I can’t stand potpourri

I can’t stand potpourri gifts, let alone a whole potpourri gift catalog littered with the trash they pass off as a bouquent of fragrance.  Have they no heart?  Can’t they see that my nose was blown off in the Civil War?  I don’t even have a body, yet they expect me to fill my lungs with fragrant air?  I have no lungs you horrible human beings!  Who are you to oppress me simply because I was born with no eyes and have an alligator tail.  That is unfair and I detest your attempts to make me smell your evil potpourri.